Tender Hands

Tender Hands

Your tender hands have guided me through out the years

They held me up and kept me strong and wiped away the tears. 

Your tender hands have taught me so many things i know

They pointed the directions to where my life should go.

Your tender hands have always
Helped me stand after a fall
Now those tender hands are sleeping
When I need them most of all.

Manly Habits

Don't mind me as you lift your leg and fart

feel free to pick your nose

just sit naked; let it all hang out

as you poke fluff from your toes.

The things you do from day to day

so often drive me crackers

The way you lounge so comfortably 

as you sit and play with your knackers.

It's ever so attractive

as you walk by and scratch your bum

and how you grab me close at night

to let me know you've a loaded gun.

You think this is just normal

You do it all the time,

well; your eyes would pop right out your head

if i sat and played with mine.

These things you do so casually

are just, not so appealing 

but I'll pretend not to notice dear

as I stare up at the ceiling.

ONCE UPON A TIME

Once upon a time

I used to have hips

could eat anything I wanted

including cakes 'n' chips!

I used to have a figure

A nice pert little bum

boobs round and quite uplifted

and a tight, flat, toned up tum.

I had no signs of stretch marks

no bags beneath the eyes

I never thought that I could

ever multiply in size.

Yet my body's proved me wrong

in fact; it's a disgrace

now it's so much more exhausting

running round from place to place.

So, every day in the mirror

there's this blob that stares at me

as I try to imagine...

the figure that used to be.

I stick my shoulders back

I tighten in my tum

I squeeze both cheeks together

just to get a nice shaped bum.

Yet it doesn't stay for long

as when I take a seat

it all unfolds it's self

to reveal the rolls of meat.

Calorie counting's too complicated

I LOVE FOOD, thats full of taste

big fat cream buns, choc digestives

bloody slimfast's just a waste.

So I console myself on the sofa

half a packet of biscuits with my brew

and I say "well i'm over 40 now,

what is a girl to do?"

I know I should really keep myself fit

maybe head down to that gym

I'd like the figure i used to have...

once upon a time when i was slim.

Morning Chaos

As much as i love you I'd just like to say

Don't slam the door as you're leaving today,

Don't stamp about cursing, don't scream, don't shout

Say something nice as you're on your way out!

If your shoes gone off walking or your bag isn't there,

It means i've had to move it cos you didn't care.

Ya smart little comments go over my head

I've been there, I've done it…and said what you've said.

So say something new,something i have not heard

Or put up 'n' shut up 'n' don't say a word!

Your death stares don't phase me, I'm sure you've seen mine

But yours will get better, believe me... in time.

You're life is a nightmare, your mum is a pain

and you're late for school, oh surprise…once again! 

Well as you dash out, gobbing off on your way

I politely smile and shout "have a good day"

When really i'm thinking.. "Thank God they are gone

I was wondering how long that could go on!

I'm nackered already,my head is just spinning

i'm ready for bed and the days just beginning!

But thank God for this silence it's wonderfully bliss

the only one thing as a mother, i miss!"

The lost

Don't judge those that take their life...

just try to feel their pain,

hold your tongue with family

that are left here to remain.

The chances are; we'll never fully know

why they have gone,

but we have to hold together 

what is left to carry on.

Do not brand them cowards

they were just a little lost,

at a time when no one listened...

now our hearts; they pay the cost.

We live with guilt, regret and pain 

and questions asking why...

and our hearts will never heal

and our tears will never dry.

DAYS LIKE TODAY

Days like today; I need you,
As I listen to the echoes of your laughter
dance within my thoughts.
Days like today;
I wish I could pick up the phone and hear you say
"it's me, i'm here…it's ok".
Days like today;
The sun is bright but storm clouds linger
waiting for a darkened moment of an empty soul.
Days like today; I am lost and unsure of where to go to find me

Days like today...

All grown up too quickly, i'm not ready

wishing back the days of pushchairs,shitty nappies, little teddy!

Now days just consist of Ps4 and 'out wit fellas'

college over, chasing women, as he's knocking back the stella's!

I thought sleepless nights were over, by god was i wrong

now you're older and out drinking they seem twice as flaming long! 

I sit waiting on the sofa, phone gripped tightly in my hand

recalling words my mum once said…"one day you'll understand!"

I'm watching this young adult now, booking holidays online
who tries to ease my worries saying "don't fret mum…i'll be fine"
you wrap them up in cotton wool, protect them all you can
then one day that little baby…grows up to be a man!


you wake up to find him naked,sprawled out upon the floor
piss wet through clothing in a heap beside the door,
no crisps and pepsi weekends, put that disney film away
the baby's gone,the boys all grown…the man has come to stay!

you taught him life as best you could
you know you taught him well
now let him grow and watch him live
and time will only tell.

1. We walked for miles in the cold today, just to sit here on the dampened sand and watch the sun set over the sea. Found washed up pebbles like tired faces and laughed at un-important things…

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Dementia

With eyes so lost you look at me
...another banished memory
you smile because you know my face
but yet my name, you can not place.

Where is the woman i know is so strong
where are the memories we'd laugh upon?
What happened to the lady so proud who stood tall,
Dementia has stolen…stolen it all.

A distant frail lady now sits in a chair
a vacant expression along with her there
Remembering childhood,with her father and mother
finding hard to recall, any memory of other.

22/03/16

House that jack built

I live in the house that jack built
And i tried to repair...
Its getting to the stage
Where i wish i didn't care.

The guttering is leaking
Waterfalls upon our head
The door decided not to lock
Then Alfie broke his bed.

The cupboards in the kitchen
All been chewed on my the dog
The past few weeks been hectic
And we cannot flush our bog!

The gate has fallen off out front
Others dodgy at the back
Taps gone dicky,pipes are leaky
Thanks to bloody jack.

He's done my bloody head in since i bought this chuffin place
I'd love to blinkin meet him
And smack him in the face

Instead i'll do my best
To patch the house of dis-repair
But it's getting to the stage...
Where i wish i wasn't there!

Love again

So love had been 

And love had gone

She didn't think

She'd carry on

Through darkest dreams

Of blackened sorrows

His smile brought hope

Of new tomorrows.

She found a way 

To love once more

A love she'd never 

Felt before

Excitement dances 

Like a flame

That loving feeling

Once again.

The mum and Me...

I'm the monster scare-awayer

When it's dark and time for bed,

Expert plaster putter-onner

For those cuts from toe to head.

A degree in cuddles,snuggles

Warming words for a broken heart,

And i'm quickest draw at hankies

For when the tears start.

I'm cook although my meals 

Do not always look so great

It's dished up quick and all a fed

A meal on their plate.

I'm referee to stop the wars

When fists may start to fly,

But when all is calm and all asleep

I sometimes sit and cry.

I'm ironer, cleaner,

dog shit picker-upper,slave,

And when all falls down around me

On the outside I am brave.

I'm billy whizz at shopping

With a trolley on two wheels,

Dashing home with twenty bags

To prepare thte evening meals.

The constant nag of naggerers

That's always on your case, 

The one who sees that cocky

Little look upon your face.

I'm painter, decorator

Odd job woman, mrs fix it,

If it has a tear just hand a thread

I'll see if i can stitch it.

I'm the voice that will defend you

If you're ever treated wrong

And the arms that wrap around you

When your days been hard and long.

I am not a robot,

Who i sometimes feel to be

If you look at little closer; you will find

...i'm only ME!

I'm the clown to make you smile

When you're feeling at a low,

But you step out of line

And believe me, you will know.

I'm the lego castle builder

I'm the ever ready purse,

And i'm always armed and ready

If you ever need a nurse.

I'm the solver of a problem

I'm the shoulder here to lean

I'm the fastest chocolate hider

You have ever bloomin seen.

I am the ears that listen

I am the heart that bleeds,

The one who tries her very best 

To cater all your needs.

I'm the fighter of the battles

I can conquer any army,

I'm the bestest ever maker 

of a tripple decker sarnie.

I can fix the un-fixable

Just pass a little glue,

I'm a super duper trooper

But that's all down to you.  

Just when I think I know it all

You teach a little more,

I stand back and often think

Why did i not know that before?

I'm the one who's been there

Got the T.shirt; don't you see?

But so often you're the ones

That i find are teaching me.

I'm the one who watches

As every day you grow

The one who often wonders

Where did the years go?

I'm the one who worries

If ever you're late home,

Pacing up and down the floor

Checking on the phone.

I'm the hand to guide you

Heart to love you, arms to hold,

The rock to keep you safe

From what life may unfold.

You're the laughter in my life

You're the love that keeps me strong,

You're the ones that make me realise

I'm right where I belong.

You're the ones that bring me sunshine

You're the ones that find my smile,

You're the ones that reassure me

That it's all been so worth while.

But somewhere, in between the cooker,

Plaster putter-onner; picker-upper

Look a little closer and you'll see

Somewhere deep inside...

There's only ME.

Dream

I shall not sleep,only to dream

I shall live to dream

Yet i shall dream as if i'll live forever

And live as if i'll die today

What secrets do you hold behind those eyes?

What stories tell the tales within your cries?

Do you ever think of... Wonder why's?

Or is your darkened heart just full of lies?

Could it be you're scared deep down inside?

Dare not take that risk, so you just hide

But would it not be best to say "I tried"?

No longer would you let the heart divide.

Some times i guess it's all best left unsaid

A half written story... just half read

Now they can make their endings up instead

Maybe then they would not feel misled.

So as you lay your head to sleep tonight

Ask why you didn't do what felt so right

And wonder why you didn't see the light

When now you could be holding him so tight.

Here i sit alone in thought

often so quiet and peaceful

yet tonight, i sit and smile...

as i listen to the old Italian lady

from the coffee shop,

shouting at her staff with such firm

authority. 

Then Silence once again.

I drift off in thought 

along with the still waters of this canal

my daydreams rudely awakened 

by the sound of an old Italian lady

as she bellows out her off key Oprah and clatters her pots.

A man paints by the side of me,

people return from work to their apartments

shops close at the end of the day

and here i am...just sitting.

I sip my coffee and demolish

the most gorgeous lasagne i have ever tasted

and think to myself...

i'd marry this old Italian lady if she didn't sing so much.

Lost soul

Empty is the soul that walks within the shadows

as the wind howls like a lost wolf in a silent wood,

Always one step closer to the emptiness of nowhere

still he treds his long and lonely path.

 

 

 

The wasn't to be...

A smile danced with such passion in his voice

through the phone, down the line and across the miles to her heart.

He said he'd call tomorrow, but tomorrow never came. 

Yesterday she loved him, today she yearns for him

And tomorrow she will smile and remember, as he dances with such passion in her heart.

Who i was, made who i am

It does not matter what you say

You made me who I am today

Life was hard, times were tough

At certain points i'd had enough.

If i'd been born with silver spoon

I sure would bore of life quite soon

Yet in shadows yesterday

Became a better me today.

Experience has taught me well

On past i shall no longer dwell

Looking back, i know it 's true

I wouldn't be me, if you were not you.

I soldiered on, i knew i would

To try to be the best i could

So now with open eyes i see

It was those times that made me, me!

In memory

 

By his grave uncontrollable hearts wept

soil scattered and roses gently thrown

memories within their hearts

of a loved one taken home.

Heart warming words were spoken

at a gathering so dear

they raised their glasses to the one they loved

not an eye was without a tear.

They talked of old times as the night went on

though saddened, the smiles did raise

each keeping the fondest of memories

he gave till his dying days.

Now they visit his grave stone

each placing their flowers with care

hearts are still saddened, tears still flow

knowing they’re leaving him there.

The wanderer

He wanders down the cobbled back streets

Kicking at dust as he goes by

In the darkness he remembers

As the moon is shining high.

Thinking of the good and bad times

As he’s walked these streets before

He stops and glances at a window...

No one lives there any more.

Happy days with joyous moments

Heart wrenching times with so many tears

With his hands dug deep in pocket

He remembers through the years.

Mistakes he made are fresh in thought

Yet he has not one regret

Times were hard and life was testing

Something he shall not forget.

He wanders down the cobbled back streets

Kicking at dust as he goes by

In the darkness he remembers

As the moon is shining high.